I hit the pillow like a ton of bricks. Then the pitter-patter of little feet and an unusually loud-voiced 3-year-old woke me up about an hour later. I wasn’t ready to get out of bed, but who is? Sleeping is awesome.

I begrudging drug myself out of my goose down, pillow top and walked like the hunchback of Notre Dame to the nearest bathroom to see what kind of hot mess I’d become during my one-hour blackout. I felt awful and cranky.

Donnie wanted to go out to eat so I was forced to pull myself together. I did the best waker upper I could think of (no not jäger bomb shots-it’s frowned upon before a family dinner). I did my 5-minute workout. It’s literally 5 minutes and it really gets my blood flowing.

Step away from the computer for 5 minutes and try it (in this order):
50 jumping jacks
5 pushups
20 crunches
20 mountain climbers
30-second plank
7 burpees

Well? How do you feel? I feel great! Best I’ve felt all week. Let’s Buffalo Wild Wings it up!

In fact, now that I think about it, my work friends are funny too.

And, my family. They’re pretty funny too (in their own way).

Come to think of it, I tend to surround myself with funny people. I watch funny shows, follow funny tweeters and read funny blogs.

A while ago, a sharp-witted friend of mine gave me what I thought was advice. I told him he was so funny (and he was, he was on all the time). He said, “You know what? I just surround myself with funny people. If you’re the funniest one in the room, you’re in the wrong room.”

I’d never really thought about it like that before. You pick up the behavior of the people around you. Is that what my mom meant when she said “You are who you hang with” Silly mom “hang with.” Who says that? But, I guess she was right (don’t tell her I said that).

Maybe it’s the challenging factor. These people are so funny. I want to be funny too, hence, I’m challenged to up my funnyness.

If you think about it though, it’s applicable in several characteristics. Smarter people make you smarter. Neater people make you neater. Motivated people make you motivated. It even worked for my ex. He surrounded himself with douchebags and now he’s the biggest douchebag of all.

I digress.

What an observation. With all the funny people in my life, I’m bound to be hilarious.

After her marathon teeth-brushing, she moseys out to the kitchen and says, “Can I have some water?” Now, I’m not too stressed because I start the bedtime routine a good 20 minutes before lights out. But this was getting ridiculous.

I gave her a glass of water and said, “Now get your booty in bed. I’ll be there in a minute to tuck you in.”

She slowly turns as if her feet are stuck in semi-dry cement. I’m near my wit’s end, I say, “One…” I don’t even know where that came from. I used to count to 3 all the time to get her to pick up the pace. I hadn’t used it in years. And, not with Logan at all.

So, anyway, I said, “One…” At that, Anya darts to her room. I didn’t know she could move that fast (and I’ve seen her play basketball). Then I thought, “It’s a magical strategy. I start counting, she starts moving. This is wonderful.”

This is what Schoolhouse rock was saying when they sang, “Three is a magic number.”

Ok, maybe the video doesn’t specifically send the message that this a good way to control your kids, but I’m reading between the lines here.

Me: “Logan, pick up that Play-Do”
Logan: “O…k.”
Me: “One…” Logan stares at me and doesn’t make a move.
Me: “I said, one…” Nothing.

Maybe Logan needs a little training on the 1-2-3 method. That, and he usually starts his counting at zero (which he pronounces “Oh”). So I’m sure he was wondering why I started counting in the middle.

There’s Atkins, South Beach, no salt diet, only tomato juice, grapefruit and red meat. I’ve heard of a lot of them over the years. I’ve never actually tried any of them (I’m too smart for that). Here’s a website that lists a bunch the popular fad diets, some pretty funny (i.e. the amputation diet).

The picture below accurately represents the people who choose those diets.

I’ve witnessed people actually losing weight on these insane diets. They’re insane because the dieters always, always gain it back. And, what does it cost? These types of diets are a detriment to their health.

Livestrong says (in more technical wording) Sure, losing weight is beneficial, but you may increase your health risks by following a fad diet! Fad diets restrict the amount of calories and nutrients you take in, which can lead to no energy and undernutrition (no exercise for you). Consuming too few calories from carbs and too many calories from saturated fat could increase your risk for life-threatening conditions, such as diabetic ketosis and cardiovascular disease (yikes!). PLUS, removing certain foods and not replacing them with other foods that contain similar amounts of vitamins or minerals can lead to nutritional deficiencies and consequent metabolic problems (i.e. easier weight gain in the future)

See? Totes bad for you. Most of these people know they’re bad for you but they still do it. Why? Does the desperation to lose the weight trump long term health? Maybe. One positive thing about fad diets is that you will lose weight fast. However, you will also lose weight fast if you amputate your arm, apparently a good 10-25 lbs!

Despite my best efforts to talk these people into eating healthy and exercising, fad diets seem to be the path most traveled. If you ask me, these people are insane by the very definition (according to the great Ben Franklin): “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

So I decided to get physical on the sidewalks around my neighborhood.

I started running.

Yeah! This feels great. Rocking a little “I got a feelin.” Click below, if you’re running while reading and would like some motivation.

So then, the song is over and a less motivational one followed. I’m focusing on the sound of my steps, breathing… ok, I’m bored.

No one’s around. Maybe I’ll do some calisthenics. Take your basic sidewalk.

I hopped to the far right edge with my right foot. Easy, right?

Then I hopped right over to the far left with my left foot. This is easy. Like hopscotch, right? Fun!

Then, I hopped all the way to the middle of the next block.

Ok. That was a little tougher. A CHALLENGE! Now I need a goal. Hmm. How about that sign up there? I’ll do these side-to-side hopscotch steps until I reach that sign.

One I reached that sign, I decided it was time to run a little more. I ran for about 2 songs (or 5 minutes). Then I was bored again. How about some lunges? I love what lunges do for my body. Good, strong jumping legs (which is good for volleyball players like me). I can’t do too many lunges at a time or I’ll never make it home. How about lunging all the way to that old guy standing there? In case he moves, we’ll say that beautiful River Birch.

The old man moved. I think he was impressed with my use of calisthenics. After I passed him, I felt like running again. My legs were shaky and as my 3-year-old son says, “Shake your sillies out.” So I did. For about another 5 minutes.

Then it was time to jump again. This time, feet together, I hop forward from one line to the next. Only jump on the cracks (contrary to popular belief, this will not break my mother’s back). My goal is that white car (doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere).

And, this is totally how my feet would look if they were created in Skitch.

After I reached the car, I ran for a bit longer. I sprinkled in these three super fun calisthenics the rest of the run (which was only a total of about 45 minutes).

Today my legs are super sore, to be specific, my biceps femoris and gluteus maximus.

Next time, I’ll be doing some side lunges for inner thigh strengthening.

As I sprinted across the finish line (or my driveway) the other day, I felt awesome. Pleased with myself. Proud of myself. And, the best part? It wasn’t boring.

I thought, didn’t I see some wild hair colors on Pinterest?

The answer is: Yes, I did. Pretty huh?

Luckily I had some chalk pastels from college art days.

All you do is twist the strands and color the hair. The girls on that website strongly recommended against wetting your hair unless you wanted it to last through a few washings. So, that was the first thing I did (my MIL requested it).

Logan even joined in.

Donnie was pleased.

Anya came home later added some classy streaks to her dark hair.

Such fun! If you try this at home, it washes out super easy. In fact, the kids’ hair lost the color by morning (I didn’t wet their hair).

About an hour ago, my MIL washed her hair and it’s back to blonde. I like to call that a blank canvas (cue evil laugh).

I just lol’d again and when I heard that laugh echo back, I realized how weird it feels to laugh out loud when I’m the only one in the room.

Think about it, do you laugh out loud when you’re alone watching a movie or TV or even reading a book?

A long time ago, someone mentioned to me how weird it is to laugh out loud at a show or movie when you’re watching alone. I’d never really thought about it before. But, now I think about it every time I laugh out loud at one of my two favorite shows (Modern Family and Happy Endings).

I can’t hold it in. I can’t help but laugh out loud. Do I feel a little weird? Yes. Is this why they used to film before a live studio audience? Maybe. Do I still feel crazy? Sure.

I googled “laughing at a movie alone” and ended up on Psychforums.com under schizoid personality disorders where all these people seemed to think it’s pretty normal to laugh alone. I imagine a bunch of people in straight jackets laughing at the wall. Is that how I look? Crap.

Some say, “I don’t need a day to show my loved one how much I love them” (Those same someone’s wives haven’t gotten flowers since the courtship).

Even more say, “I show my special someone I love them 365 days a year.”

That one made me laugh a little. I imagined doing the over-the-top special things we do for Valentine’s Day on literally every day of they year.

If every day were Valentine’s Day…
- I’d have a house full of flowers with matching vases.
- I’d have Type 2 Diabetes.
- My husband would be constantly nervous trying to top the events from the day before.
- Kids would probably be able to pronounce Valentine’s Day correctly a lot sooner. I mean, if you say it every day you’ll get it eventually.
- E.L.E. Everybody loves everybody.
- There would probably be lot less naysayers. How many people do you know who hate every day?

See? Valentine’s Day isn’t so bad. So go out, and do something thoughtful for your loved one, for Valentine’s Day’s sake.

Just think, at least Valentine’s Day only comes once a year.

When people are in Vegas, they go by the “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” mentality. This mentality gives them the inferred freedom to do whatever they want and “It’s ok because we’re in Vegas baby!”

Even at the airport, waiting for our plane to take off, groups of wild and crazies were boozing it up in the bar to pre-game for their big Vegas weekend. The pilot threatened to and I quote “Turn this plane around” if anyone got “out of hand.”

While cruising through the hotel casino, I had a few guys come up to me, look at my ring and say, “Oh, you’re married” (as if it would make a difference if I weren’t) I also had a couple offers for things I won’t mention on this PG-13 blog. I even had one Italian guy ask me to marry him and offered to pay for me to stay another night (Donnie’s not to happy about that one). It was sorta like Honeymoon in Vegas but a little more real and not really that funny or romantic.

I even watched a regular chick (wearing a not-so-regular completely lace see-through shirt) reverse motorboat the tops bald guys’ heads. I’d like to call it the reverse-dome-motorboat I’m not joking, the baldies were lining up for their turns. I won’t post a picture of that because I’m too nice.

Those guys probably don’t remember stumbling up to me with booze-breath or slurred catcalls, or getting a reverse motorboat to the dome. But, I’m blogging about this because I’m a firm believer of “What happens in Vegas, doesn’t stay in Vegas if someone remembers what happened.”

But, my brother in law hates avocados. I swear I’ve never seen him even try one. But he says, “hates them.” So I decided to do a little research and maybe sway his opinion with some facts about avocados (or as Donnie calls them “ah-vys”).

Why do I love avocados? Not just because they taste good, or because they are a staple with sushi (one of my favorite dishes), but also because they are sooo good for you.

I’m talking seriously good. for. you. They are a super food.

Some naysayers (my bro-in-law) argue that avocados are high in fat, but the truth is they are nutrient dense, which compares is the amount of nutrients a food versus the number of calories. Nutrient dense means, “yeah, ok, there are some calories, but check out all this good junk?”

Good junk in avocados
fiber
potassium
Vitamin E
B-vitamins
folic acid

So, what makes avocados so super? Well, there are 13 vitamins that your body absolutely needs: vitamins A, C, D, E, K and the B vitamins (thiamine, riboflavin, niacin, pantothenic acid, biotin, vitamin B-6, vitamin B-12 and folate). And, avocados contain a lot of these vitamins naturally. That means, it’s not injected and your not taking a pill to get these extra, totes awesome vitamins. They also help you absorb the “fat-soluble nutrients” in other (lesser) foods you intake. AND, they have no sodium, which we know is the devil.

Ok, I think I’ve more than proven that avocados are good for you, but so is wheat germ and you won’t catch me eating that.

Let’s talk about texture, versatility and downright delectability.

A ripe avocado is black on the outside, and soft and green on the inside. A texture that goes well in so many dishes. I put avocados on salads, burgers, pizzas, wraps and even banana smoothies. Let’s not forget guacamole!

Enough talk about avocados. I’ve hidden one under the cheese in my brother in law’s pizza. It will be a pleasant surprise, I’m sure.